W. C. (William Claude) Fields Quotes

American comedian and actor (1880-1946)

(Referring to Mae West): A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=897>

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=898>

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=899>

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=900>

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=901>

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=902>

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=903>

Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=904>

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=905>

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=906>

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=907>

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=908>

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=909>

I drink therefore I am.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=910>

I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=911>

I like children - fried.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=912>

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=913>

I never met a kid I liked.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=914>

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=915>

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=916>

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=917>

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=918>

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=919>

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=920>

Now is the season for sailing; for already the chattering swallow is come and the pleasant west wind; the meadows bloom and the sea, tossed up with waves and rough blasts, has sunk to silence. Weigh thine anchors and unloose thy hawsers, O Mariner, and sail with all thy canvas set.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=921>

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=922>

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=923>

Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=924>

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=925>

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=926>

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=927>

Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or eleven years at twelveworth, or five and ten at Woolworth's.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=928>

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=929>

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=930>

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
— W. C. (William Claude) Fields <http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=931>

Listed 35 quotes.