Unknown Quotes
A baby sitter is a teenager who behaves like an adult, while the adults are out behaving like teenagers.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=172>
A bachelor is someone who opposes marriage because it means being put on a wife-support system.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=171>
A balanced budget is when the month and the money run out together.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=170>
A bank is a place where you can keep the government's money until the IRS asks for it.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=79>
A bargain is a transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=78>
A bargain is something that looks better than it is and sells for less than it was.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=77>
A bargain sale is where people fight for merchandise that's reduced in price because nobody wanted it in the first place.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=76>
A big problem these days is that we have a surplus of simple answers, and a shortage of simple questions.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=75>
A bipartisan issue is a problem neither party knows what to do about.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=74>
A bore is a man, when you ask him how he is, he tells you.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=73>
A budget is an orderly way of discovering you can't live on what you're earning.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=72>
A budget is like a conscience. It doesn't keep you from spending money, but it makes you feel guilty about it.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=71>
A budget is what you stay within if you go without.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=70>
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=68>
A college education is very educational. It teaches the parents of the student how to do without a lot of things.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=67>
A commentary on the times in which we live is that the noun 'honesty' is usually preceded by the words 'old fashioned'.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=66>
A common cold is not common if it is yours.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=65>
A compromise is an arrangement whereby people who can't get what they want make sure nobody else does either.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=64>
A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=63>
A conceited person never gets anywhere because he thinks he is already there.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=62>
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=61>
A crooked stick will have a crooked shadow.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=60>
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1458>
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1484>
A delay is better than a disaster.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=58>
A diet is what you keep putting off while you keep putting on.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=57>
A discussion is an exhcange of knowledge. An argument is an exchange of ignorance.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=56>
A dollar bill looks the same today as it did 20 years ago. Looks can be deceiving.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=55>
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2795>
All generalizations are false.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2935>
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2797>
Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2808>
Among the things money can't buy, is what it used to.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=177>
An angry person is seldom reasonable, and a reasonable person is seldom angry.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=175>
And your cry-baby whiny-ass opinion would be...?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1468>
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteres are at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2822>
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1456>
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1453>
Concept, n.: Any idea for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1483>
Copulo ergo sum.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2829>
Do I look like a fucking people person?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1467>
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1464>
Don't be afraid to do something, because if you don't try, you never know what good may have come from it.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2920>
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1444>
Don't eat yellow snow.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2415>
Don't have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2807>
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1463>
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in the boat and drink beer all day.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2577>
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you can sell him fishing equipment.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2573>
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach a man to sell fish and he eats steak.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2575>
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you will not have to listen to his incessant whining about how hungry he is.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2572>
Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2574>
Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2791>
Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1877>
Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2798>
He had an accident at work today - he was struck by a thought!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1486>
Hey, I got a Joke that will knock the tits off you. Oh, I see someone already told you!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2098>
His breath is so bad that people look forward to his farts.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2100>
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1450>
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2802>
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1475>
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1474>
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize what you heard is not what I really meant.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1880>
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2793>
I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1481>
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1480>
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1451>
I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2101>
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1478>
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1473>
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1471>
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1477>
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1479>
I'm the type of person my mother wouldn't want me hanging around with.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=53>
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1459>
If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2102>
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1449>
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1485>
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2744>
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2745>
If there's more than one answer, it's not a stupid question.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=174>
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=173>
If we bought only what we could afford it would destroy our economy.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=185>
If you and your partner always agree, one of you is unnecessary.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=184>
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2921>
If you want something done, give it to a lazy person; they will find the quickest and easiest way to get it done.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2918>
If you were a government official, you'd cut red tape lengthwise.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1487>
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2799>
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2800>
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1476>
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1470>
Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=306>
Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2910>
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "WOW! What A Ride!"
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2818>
Logic is the systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with complete confidence.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2658>
memo, n.: An interoffice communication too often written more for the benefit of the person who sends it than the person who receives it.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1482>
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1454>
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1460>
Nothing seems hard to the people who don't know what they're talking about.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2950>
Of all the things I've lost, I think I miss my mind the most.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=59>
Pessimists are the world's happiest people. 90% of the time they're right and the other 10% of the time, they're pleasantly surprised.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1879>
Pets are such agreeable friends... they don't talk back, borrow money, ask questions, or criticize.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=182>
Playing golf is like raising children... you keep thinking you'll do better next time.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=181>
Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2099>
Procrastination is the fault most people put off correcting.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=180>
Psychiatrists don't have to worry as long as other people do.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=54>
Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write; it should be hard to read.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2743>
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm a schizophrenic,
And so am I.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=187>
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1452>
Seven out of five schizophrenics won't admit there is a problem.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=179>
Sex is like air. It's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=92>
Some people are like Slinkies--not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2792>
Stress is that condition in which one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately deserves it.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=738>
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1457>
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1472>
The cure for loneliness is being with someone.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2931>
The fox knows many things; the hedgehog knows one big thing.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2909>
The good thing about reinventing the wheel is that you can get a round one.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2934>
The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2794>
There are three types of people in this world--those who can count and those who can't.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2253>
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2801>
There is no limit to the things one can accomplish except for what one does not try to do.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2919>
There is no rose without a thorn.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2913>
There's no "I" in team.
There's no "U" in team either.
If I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team: nobody is on the team and the team sucks!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2933>
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1466>
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1455>
Warning: Life can be hazardous to your health!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1878>
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1461>
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1462>
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2796>
You are starting to sound reasonable... it's time to increase my medication.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1469>
You could either complain about rose bushes having thorns, or you could rejoice for thorn bushes having roses.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2914>
You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=2803>
You!... Off my planet!
<http://quotes.miraclesalad.com/?quote=1465>
Listed 134 quotes.